Sorry about not doing more writing or getting on-air much, but with the fires all around that's been keeping all of our crews including me, in the air, it's been purtty much me, getting up, ripping open my bowels, eating when I can, doing graphics, then sleep, then doing it all again the next day, thanking our Heavenly Father for yet another day, on this third rock of the sun. Been hearing a bunch oh woa as me lately. Oh I have a life that just sucks and so on. Up to this point in my life I even have asked myself and Heavenly Father, " Why me?" Thing is why not me? Did Jesus say, " for here I am on this cross, why me?" No, he just said thy Will be done, forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do" He did not grumble about it. Here lately the stress level has been so high, that I forget a heap of stuff, where I have to stop and think, what the hell was I going to do there? Even to the point that if I can wake up in the mornings, take a piss, and tie my shoelaces, I'm not proud, I'm amazed. Not that sleeping, is the problem, except for this heavy heat, and sweating ANY pounds of my body like being at the gym, of 24 Hour Phitness, I do finally pass out. But then I think of the amazing sphere, we call Earth, that I see from 30,000 pheete, and observe all the great things that God has created, that I count myself very blessed. It was not always the case. I can remember 4 years ago, I wished several times that hopefully and that, God be merciful and stop the planet so I could get off, nor was it much different in grand Evanston, Wyoming. There were several times I wanted to take the dive. Even once or so when I lost the shop, both of them, but once I got to a point, and once again I do thank God above, for sweet Sydney, for being there, rescuing me from the bathtub, pulling my hand out of a grubby toilet, toe out of the spicket, stretching me out on my bed, and being there sponging me with alcohol, until the meat wagon, got there. That seeing my life nearly expired like that, and the weeks of therapy, that Syd provided, fetching me everything from food from Pilot/Flying J where she worked, plus my worm dirt, looking back on all of that, what I should've done, was to have ditched the Shelly, thing, hooked up with Syd, moved to Slick City with her, and let that be that. But hey just like I learned last week in Church, you can't really reverse time. You can't always fix yesterday, all you can really do, is learn from the mistake, and move on. In all, you really need to, look under another, rock, find more worms, and consume. With that, moving, just to appease, others, or to avoid a debt or two, is not wise. You need to find a way to repay that debt if you can and rebuild on more solid earth. Not sandy soil. What did that philosopher say? " he who does the same things, the same ways, is a fool. Just like me and this fetish of mine. Who cares if others especially some women, thinks that is creepy? I like it, so what? If they are not into that, then don't apply for the job. Or even be with me. Don't want em, don't need em, I came into this existence alone, and most likely will go out all alone. With that said though, last Sunday at Church, right after Choir practice headed to Sacrament meeting, went to just simply sit down, so picked one row(all by myself), But God gave me a treat. There was Mini mouse, right there in front of me one pew in front, where I could enjoy the essence of her hair and think, oh if all knew what I was thinking. Tweren't Churchy. Some say I'm privileged or extra blessed, that ain't it, and to those that say it came easy, is dead burned wrong. I have to sacrifice, sustain, Maintain, and true Military life has made me fess up to a bunch of things that would make most of either gender, grab their guts, the eating out of the same brain bucket, that I just shit in, in a fox hole, or bunker pinned down by enemy fire or having to sleep with mice and or rats, all over, makes for a tougher skin, than many civies. Fact is even though at times I have missed a few creature comforts at times, means I can sustain, more crap than most. No, I'm not overly blessed, no, I'm not always smarter or have more abilities than others, it's just I learn, and learned how to apply what I learned. I used my brain, not my braughn to get things done. I only use the Idelyc mind of mine. Idelyc, mind means I can remember and do so with pinpoint accuracy, all that I'm taught, or have been exposed to. Yet to date, I can't make most of my favorite foods, like hotcakes or French toast, I can't sew on a button very well, or hymn a pair of pants, but you give me a vector to narrow down a target from the air, and I'll nail it every time. Any flyte, I will see ya'll at 12:00 on ayrewolffm.com
